Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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