He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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