your room smells of hookers.
And success
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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