i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
