Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
