Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
