I'm so fucking centered right now
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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