I wish I could teleport
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
