He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
