You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
