I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
