i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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