im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
