I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
