Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
