Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
