Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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