just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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