be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
