I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
