I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
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I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize