she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
