why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
