I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
