she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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