You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
