JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
