her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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