I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
