I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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