Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
