I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
