I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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