thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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