Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
