when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
