I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
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I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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