oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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