If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
