I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
