Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
