Kiss
Puke
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize