i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
