every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
