ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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