You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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