Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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