They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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