soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
