I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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