I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
