wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
