The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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