i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
