I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
