Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
