That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
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