Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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