Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize