the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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