i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
