Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
