omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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