New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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