It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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